Clashing Songs

I use my words to convey what is in my head and heart. I watch your eyes glaze over, my words go in one ear and out the other, the musical notes of my words float on the air. No understanding, no acknowledgement of it. The song we used to sing, no longer matches.Harmony and Melody clash as we search for our way.  One moving up the scale the other moving down, no longer staying in a happy harmony instead going flat on each step as you go sharp. Unable to use words to ask what to do or how to fix, the words on a page become my home. The words trapped in my head typed out on a cold hard machine. There are questions that still linger in my chorus. Where is the verse with your response? The melody of recriminations runs through my head, in my heart. The harmonies of shattered glass continue to play in the background, driving me to my knees in pain. sounding much like a young children’s choir who has just started out. A drum beats the death dirge,  I struggle to find the strength to continue on another day. I don’t see the reason to stay. I am unwanted and unneeded. you have no respect for me anymore.

Intent

as a seed grows, pushing up form the litter on the floor, finding that brief glimmer of light, coaxing it up through the shadows. constant movement forward, when blocked simply shifting to a side to continue on its path. the road i find myself traveling is that of the seed, no longer stopping when blocked simply moving to the side, focused on my goal. i am responsible for my joy, my pain, my desires buring through my body, errupting from my fingertips, spreading around the world. I want whats inside to expload, infect all around me. incite the world to change meld with my intent.

awakening

your arm lingers across my back, the warmth of your skin seeping through my cold flesh. muscles atrophied from neglect, slowly awakening. drawing me forward to press my body closer to you, be enveloped by all that surrounds you. Her immersion into my being, draws forth a strength that has remained hidden. Slowly the dark wrapped around me sheds away, light starts to emerge, casting her body in an ethereal glow, lips touching mine, velvet and soft. figertips running up my arms causing gooseflesh to follow, my skin alights in fire, desire burning through me. breaths caught in a staccatto beat hands roaming reverently.

Shadows

lost in the dark, light glows and trickles from within the depths. driving me forward, showing me the way, removing the doubt, the shadows blocking me fall away, demons in the corner licking their voracious mouths, snarls of hunger, howls of rage and pain driven back, removed from where i go. red eyes glowing in the dark, overbearing presence of evil, fear pounding through my veins, each step a painful divergence from all i have. masks fall to the ground revealing the truths that have remained hidden. doubt no longer hiding in the dark, acknowledged and dispelled, fear no longer paralyzing, movement forward no longer derailed at the mere mention.

set me free, let me roam the winds on the wings of the crows. soar above the world, let the cares that chain me to this land fall away, let me set the pain free, the guilt, the belief of un-worthiness, in the waves I am free buoyed up by the swells, subservient to the pull of the moon, gently rocked back and forth. break open the chains wrapped around me, holding me back from all that fulfills me.

I long for the time when you unleash. You let yourself be you. Laughing, free at last, the demons of the past, released into the realm they belong to. Relief found in the light of day, the sun beaming from your eyes in the joy of that is found around you.

Desires

Sand between my toes, your hand in mine, the wind gently blowing across our faces. Turning to me, I pull you in close, reaching up to cradle your face, eyes closing, our lips touch, soft and gentle. No demands, a give and take. Easily we move together. Your breath upon my check as we break apart,  breathless, anticipation reigns over us. Soft crashing waves of sound, the water riding and falling against our legs.

 

Bloodlust

What do you do when the only thing that sounds restful is the sound of blood running over rocks. The feel of pain riding your skin as a blade runs across it? Watching the red running away from the cut, allowing the pain to recede as the blood flows away. Finally the tears can fall, the emotional dam is broken. Relief can be felt as the blood flows. The physical pain allows for the final straw to brake. The final release of all that has remained inside. No longer running rampant, charging over all rational thought.

Imaginings

Walking in to the room, I see you there. Your eyes smoldering in the dim light, burning into my soul, drawing me in. The noise of those around us dies down in my ears as the pounding of my heart drowns them out. Your lips move, the sounds flows over my ears. Your arms reach out to take my hand, walking with me, taking me to the side where we can be alone. The silky feel of your hands running up my arms and shoulders. Cupping your hands around the back of my neck you lower your head kiss my mouth, the velvet of your lips softly, deftly touching my lips. Then the light of day passes over my eyes, and then I know it’s all in my head.

 

Words

The words sit on the tip of my tongue. I can’t tell anyone what the emotions that are running through me.  The hand wrapped around my heart, squeezes, bringing pain crashing through my chest. My eyes fill with tears, slowly leaking out and falling down my cheeks. My pain knows no end, drawing through space and time. There is no room for my vocabulary to set me free, my body stops locked into the whirlwind of words fighting through my mind. The freedom to chose my own life has slipped through my fingers. Dancing to the whim of the winds floating here and there. I long for the days with my childlike innocence, when I thought the world was my oyster. When I was all that would be needed to change the world.